The Zoo
October 10, 2007
Ok - we’ve looked at the Donkey, now let’s look around the table
at some of the other creatures across the felt.
Exhibit
B: The Ape
This
physically large specimen is all over the table like a hairy rash. Lining up flops,
tidying chips, sorting out side-pots that didn’t involve him… he doesn’t care what
it it; if it’s happening on the table he isin charge of it. While playing against
an ape I once needed a wee and was worried he’d come down with me to ensure all was
ship-shape in the trouser department.
He
routinely pretends to be Thomas Kremser, spouting rules based loosely on the actual
rules, but displaying none of the authority, poise, or actual knowledge required to
take over a table in such a way. He is also the master of calling your hand, and even
after 10 or so miserable failures, is still more than happy to announce “Jacks” with
all the certainty of a man telling you how many feet he had regardless of the 7-8
in your hand. When he isfinally out of the game, he is able to tell you all in great
detail exactly why it was his fault for playing too well against such ill-equipped
competition. Whatever. We don’t care. We have all his hairy chips in our stacks by
this time.
“Chips!”
DON’T
be an ape. Yes, you are super. Yes, you know how a poker game should be run, but just
chill. Let people make mistakes so that they feel silly and you have an edge. Also,
don’t give people a reason to want to take you down. It might just lead to that bluff
getting calling ‘just in case’ they can bust you and get your annoying arse off their
table.
Next
time: The Peacock
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